Yet Another Damped Pillow
It’s been almost 4 years since she has left us. The pain is still the same, if not more intensified. She is always on my mind. Always. But every now and then my long for her feels too much for me to bear. I especially feel the void and the hollow gap in my heart whenever I go through new phases in my life. Like right now, I’m moving in to my first uni apartment. This change of phases triggers the emotion that I try my best to conceal in my daily life. It reminds me that there will be more moments like this where I wish she would be by my side as I progress through life. Visions of my wedding and my first childbirth come into mind.
It’s extremely difficult.
There’s really no such thing as “moving on” when you lose a mother. It isn’t a matter that can be easily discussed with anyone, either. It’s the same sentence as “death” and “grieve”. It’s like dropping a bomb. Not everyone understands it or has any idea of it and I do not expect them to.
But I want them to understand that when someone has lost a loved one, they will get overwhelmed at random times. I’m still recovering. I will continue to recover. It’s unfortunate but it’s okay. He’s the best planner.
During times like this, I seek for anything that could ease my mind. This time, I found these articles that not only brought me tears but comfort. It’s difficult to fully describe how it feels like to lose a part of you but these articles managed to put it into perspective.
To those who have experienced loss, I am sending you the warmest and biggest hug.
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